Boogeyman

Soon I'll review Mel Gibson in Edge of Darkness. For today, a much, much worse film. When is a scary movie not scary? When it's Boogeyman. 

Boogeyman

Release Date: February 4
Director: Stephen T. Kay
Starring: Barry Watson, Emily Deschanel, and Lucy Lawless
Rating: PG-13

Almost all of us were scared of the dark as kids or frightened of imagined monsters under the bed or in the closet - that's why I was looking forward to this movie, because you couldn't ask for a better premise than the Boogeyman for a horror film.

This version of the story tells the tale of a young man traumatized by memories of terrible events he experienced in his childhood bedroom and who, years later, returns home to face his fears of a monstrous entity that could be real or merely a figment of his imagination.

At least that's what the promotional material tells us.

I'm surprised the studio could come up with even one paragraph of a synopsis, seeing as how there was apparently no script to speak of.  Scenes come and go with very little point or consequence, with the paper-thin-plot giving Barry Watson (7th Heaven) very little to do besides staring blankly at empty closets. 

As a matter of fact, the real title of this film should have been "OH NO, CLOSETS!" because that's the theme running through the entire production. We get lots and lots of slow zooms on empty closets. Ooooh! Look at that dried paint! Scary stuff!

This is without a doubt the most uninspired, worthless waste of celluloid I have seen in ages. Unlike Alone in the Dark you can't even have a good time making fun of this one. It's just that bad. 

While I was watching it I kept coming up with scenarios that would have made the film much better... (It's all in Watson's head; he's the one killing people! Or the little girl is really the Boogeyman!) ...but I gave up all hope for a decent scare once the Boogeyman appeared looking like leftover CGI from The Lawnmower Man.

This could have been a golden opportunity to unleash a new horror icon, but turns out to be another candidate for the gang on Mystery Science Theater 3000 to spoof. If only they were still around to save the day.

 

Tomorrow: Hitch